election day/night

i know i have yet to comment on obama's stunning upset and consequently i've had to face an onslaught of email/messages demanding my reaction, thoughts, further instruction, etc. i don't condone nagging, but have decided it's time i comply. as you might have guessed, i was pained by the outcome (but time heals all wounds, and it's been weeks). here are the three main reasons:

1. i am a not a woman who takes readily to change; i like routine, and predictability. for years, i have had the same breakfast every morning.

and we all know how i regarded sarah palin, what with her uber chic crab motif and tattoos. but even more appealing to me was her promise of a smooth, seamless transition in the white house--to palin's 'never, ever did i talk about, well, gee, is africa a country or a continent?' from w's 'families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.' what could be easier than that? ignoramus a philistine (et vice versa).

obama, on the other hand, has already begun surrounding himself with the 'nation's brightest' (e.g., clinton, volcker). 'smart' people in the white house after close to a decade: it will take some adjusting.

2. i read an interview with the abominable stephen colbert and jon stewart. this is what colbert had to say about the election:

The Democrats are going to change everything. We're going to have gay parents marrying their own gay babies. Obama's gonna be sworn in on a gay baby. The oath is gonna end ''So help me, gay baby."

uggh!

3. i got so hammered on election night reveling--i mean, ululating--that i don't remember much about it. i vaguely recall cancan dancers, masked men in unitards a la borat and kissing booths. my friend tells me, in the end, i laid down on the street to kiss it and praise jesus i didn't have to move to canada--i mean, barf and smash my fabulous updo:

jon responds!

today, i received THIS:

Dear Ms. C.,

On behalf of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show I am compelled to write after reading the description of this WHALES group. Before you and your subscribers become too dismayed, what may be the cause of the demise of your group I believe will ultimately leave you, well, happier.

Let me preface by saying that we at The Daily Show do peruse facebook/myspace/etc., to keep abreast of what our fans/foes are saying about us. It is a type of research. We have never before interacted with these groups—not unlike a wildlife observer crouches in the bush—to ensure said groups/interactions remain candid. We have decided to make an exception with WHALES due to the potentially serious danger it poses to impressionable, young women.

After I presented to Jon your letter (upon which WHALES is based, according to 'WHALES conception'), although flattered, he agreed that disclosure was in order:

Furst of all, I do not have meaty soccer-player calves. From the waist down, I am very Nicole Ritchie.

2. Whut does incendiary mean?

3. Sometimes when I fart, I poo a little.

4. A cock of steel?! I’ll have you know that phrase kept me up for days.

5. I DO like satyrs.

6. So…can I preorder some of those shit-brown undies? (see #3)

7. Are you insane, woman?—Colbert is so fuckable.

8. I was going for ten things, but I can only think of ate.

Now you see, and it does young women a disservice to belong to a group based on lies. There are no men out there with wings and fins and legs (Jon: Whatever the fuck that means). There are only men with calves in states of varying atrophy and shittypants.

I advise you take down your page and disband…unless I’m making your point? Uh….

Anyway, sincere regards,

R. A.
Writer, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart