scent of a man?

as you all know from 'scent of a woman' (the post, not the movie), bacon (or booze)--not jasmine or lily, or kimchi (trust me)--is the scent that reliably attracts man. and, yes, i've tried toting on my person bacon, to no avail (because bacon is very delicious, hence irresistible to even me). but a while back, i discovered an ingenious invention: the bacon mint.

the bacon mint is a 'mint' that tastes and stinks of bacon. i was so taken by this confection that it leapt to mind when i was brainstorming for a friend's birthday gift idea. and it was a huge success (as are all things bacony). but only after he'd consumed half the tin did i realize what i'd done (whereupon i made my hasty exit). the next morning, my theretofore heterosexual friend reported that indeed a man (a star, he effused) literally did pick him up--and take him home. i'd feared repercussions, but my friend sounded more chipper--and gay--than ever. so, today's lesson: be miserly with the bacon mints.

scent of a woman

last night, i had the misfortune of running into an old friend who coerced me into staying out til all hours of the morning. you know the type: bibulous, loud and sloppy, insistent on both paying and ordering, arm tight around shoulder (to make sneaky getaway most difficult). today, i had tickets to a noontime matinee and, waking late, had to go straight from bed to theater, hair a bird's nest, reeking of booze. and what do you know? i met a scraggly musician dude. he'd looked about himself, sniffing like a dog, and when his eyes met mine, he intuited right away that it was i who reeked! at first mortified, i was pleasantly surprised when he took the seat next to mine. afterwards, we got gelato and walked in the park. so, today i learned that it's not just the smell of bacon that attracts man. and what a relief, for whenever i've carried said meat in pocket, i've aways caved, consuming it before ever running into man, for i am only human, and bacon yummy.