is there a way to deport him? i wonder

readers, it was a sad day in WHALESland. today your president was called a 'freak' and 'weird.' oh, i know the saying ('sticks and stones...'), but these words were, excuse my french, cruel. and i thought to myself: why--why am i a freak, lord? a recent post may have revealed some weirdness, but i explained that (the crazy cycle, duh), so this assault saddened me. and it was not just for myself--but for you, dear readers. dear, sweet, crazy ladies (btw, love you!): what this might do to you. well, i didn't know what effect it would have--but i knew it could not be good for one's self-esteem, following a freak.

but then i realized something: the ASSaulter (emphasis intentional (i am witty freak)) was swedish. that's right, and an obsessive follower of my blog, so what does this say about him (in regard to his offense and myself)? simply, he's jealous. and jealousy is so unbecoming (and starting out as a swede certainly doesn't help). you know, i'm actually surprised i have not faced this sort of insult before now, for there are some men--i'll assume mostly foreign--who fail to grasp that the WHALES mentality may be their only hope.

happy anniversary to me

i wore earplugs to bed the other night because i wanted to sleep as long as humanly possible the following day, which isn't so weird, but i tried eating one of them in my sleep (i awoke when i tasted earplug). i must admit, i had a moment, mid-earplug-chew, of 'oh my god, i'm retarded.' and it elicited memories from last summer--about this time--when i left my apartment wearing slippers, thought it was 2007 and lost my shoe in a taxicab. i recall also spilling soup from a shallow bowl and saying, 'this is a shallow bowl!' (my roommate answered, 'it's a plate.') and it's all made me think...is there, like, a crazy cycle? because then it would totally make sense, and i am pretty much right on schedule, which i guess is good.

it happens to be the first anniversary also of the start of guerre a trois, a fight i started between myself and 3 friends. (yes, i know that makes it quatre, but i didn't count one friend, who is small and impotent. (ms. c scores again, losers!)) the war, incidentally, has recently concluded: the german friend became asian, the other got fat and the small one sobered up and moved in with her parents. (war is never pretty, readers.) and, not uncommon for ferocious warrior-enemies, we don't talk anymore (the fat one calls, but i don't answer). assessing it all now, looks like a victory celebration is in order. (hurray, me!)

crazy like a fox

dear night-owl WHALES, though it be 3am, i have behaved very well tonight, barely finishing my third martini, and getting in at a most respectable 11:20pm. in fact, i was in bed by midnight. (or is this in fact very, very bad behavior? oops.) anyway, what got me out of bed, you ask? seems i went to bed still wearing my glasses. first time i've done that. although, lately, i have been a wee confused. as you know from an earlier post, i lost a shoe a few weeks ago. got into a cab with both shoes, exiting with one. i mistakenly thought we were in the month of july, sent a message referring to this year as 2007, left my apartment in my slippers--on three occasions, and have been making up lies in bars--for no reason (i cut hair! i'm tall!). it all elicits giggles from moi, followed by a 'fuck!' except for the shoe incident--because dammit that was not funny. anyhoo, when i began to worry that perhaps my mind was drifting into crazyland, i asked my friend if i'd seemed strange lately. she said, 'dude, there's a whale on your head.' so...she'd rather talk about my hats.